


Just Ask

by KellynKupcake



Series: My Modern AU [2]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Attempted Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tough Love, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 08:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30052476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellynKupcake/pseuds/KellynKupcake
Summary: John receives his first visitor during his stay in the hospital.PLEASE read the warnings on this fic. Don't click if you know you aren't going to like the content.
Series: My Modern AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210796
Kudos: 8





	Just Ask

**Author's Note:**

> This series will be VERY dark at times but there's definitely lighter content coming. Please don't bother reading if you're just going to be rude at the end. I write content I'm interested in. If you're not, that's fine. But don't come here and hate on me because you disregarded the warnings.
> 
> The stories in this series are all from the same AU. Jumbled timeline because I write what I feel like. I will be posting the one's I've already written in consecutive order but I will also be writing more to fill in the gaps and better explain. So they will come afterwards and may fit anywhere within the timeline of the stories that have already been posted. :)

John stared at the yellow wall with glazed over eyes. Not really seeing the room in front of him at all. Just the colour that was currently being used as a backdrop for all of his failings as they played out in front of his eyes in a continuous loop.

Yellow was supposed to make him feel happy. At least that was the reasoning he had come up with the first time he’d been shoved in one of these rooms and frowned at the use of such a saturated colour in a such a small space.

It made him feel claustrophobic. Smothered by the walls and his memories. The rhythmic clicking of nurses shoes walking up and down the hallway every minute or so just adding to the monotony of his stay.

Every now and then someone would start to yell.

_That was fun._

He had decided as he strained to listen to what was being said a couple of rooms down. Entertaining himself at the expense of someone else’s mystery.

He didn’t feel too bad about it. Knowing full well that his neighbours were listening to him when it was his turn to scream.

John sat bolt upright at the knock on his doorframe. The nurses didn’t announce themselves and he hadn’t expected a visitor. His heart raced uncomfortably in his chest. He had been so caught up in his own mind he hadn’t even noticed someone standing there.

He had already been here for four days without hearing a word from any of his loved ones.

_He didn’t need them._

He had decided on the second night. When his tears had long since dried but the suffocating sobs remained. Sucking air from his lungs and making feel as though he was going to die as he struggled and failed to regain his composure.

John looked towards the door, placing his hand on his chest briefly in a futile effort to calm himself down.

He’d expected to see Abigail. Despite their current situation he hoped she’d still care enough to come and see him. But after four long, lonely days he was starting to lose hope that she had any love for him left.

John looked away from the door quickly, realising his visitor was Arthur. Nose scrunching and hands shaking as he heard the other man’s footsteps grow closer to his bed.

Of course it was Arthur. It would have been too simple for it to be Abigail or Karmen.

John didn’t look up as he heard the older man grunt as he lowered himself into the chair next to his bed.

Arthur sat patiently waiting for John to address him.

“What are you doing here?” John asked after a long while. Unable to look up from his hands as he heard his brother sigh in contemplation.

“I could ask you the same thing, really.” Arthur said after a moment.

John glared at the blanket over his legs, picking aggressively at his one jagged fingernails to keep his attention away from the other man.

“I’m a patient.” He replied bitterly, scowling as Arthur chuckled at his words.

“You’re a fucking smart-ass is what you are.” He drawled, leaning back in his chair. He crossed his arms over his chest and took a moment to look his brother over properly.

He had dark circles under his eyes and his cheek bones looked sharp like they could cut glass. He looked tired. His skin a greyish tinge that reminded Arthur a little too much of the last time he had laid eyes on a corpse.

“You know why I’m here.” John spat after it became clear Arthur was not going to speak again. His tone was filled with venom but his voice was weak. “Don’t make me say it.” He said, softer. He wasn’t mad at Arthur.

_He was ashamed._

“I know.” Arthur said softly, his tone a lot calmer than John had expected it to be. “You scared me.” He admitted quietly.

A statement that caught John’s attention. His eyes finally finding Arthurs for a fleeting second before he averted them. Forcing himself to look away and out the window next to his bed as they began to sting.

“How did you find me?” John asked, voice croaky as he held back his emotions.

“Abigail.” Arthur answered simply. John closed his eyes briefly in annoyance.

_She couldn’t visit but she could gossip._

There was a long silence as John lamented his current predicament. Arthur was a great brother. But there were few things John hated more in the world than appearing weak in front of him.

“I told you to call me.” Arthur said firmly, his tone shifting to that of a concerned parent. “The first time.” He clarified after a second.

“I did.” John said simply, eyes not wavering from their position in the same way his voice did.

“You didn’t tell me anything was wrong.” Arthur said gruffly, sitting forward in his chair and resting his forearms on his knees. He clasped his hands together in between his legs and hung his head for a moment.

John knew that Arthur meant well with his offer. But he acted as though admitting he needed someone was the easiest thing in the world. As if asking for help was something John should just do regardless of the time or place.

Arthur exhaled long and loud before sitting up straight again and pursing his lips. “Dammit John, you can’t keep doing this.” He whispered harshly, shaking his head.

John finally turned to face him, eyes watering heavily as they stared at one another for too long. The silence dragging until John couldn’t take it anymore.

“You were busy.” He whispered, voice broken. Arthur’s brows knitted together in a frown.

“Not too busy to keep you alive you fucking idiot.” Arthur growled, voice raising involuntarily as his emotions began to boil over.

He hated this. He loved John but he hated being too scared to miss his call. He hated playing the guessing game every time they spoke. Was he just calling to chat or did he _need_ him?

Arthur wasn’t so vain as to assume that anything John was going to do to himself was a direct result of him not being near his phone. But he wasn’t sure he could live with the guilt if John had of succeeded in his task. Knowing that he’d been too busy to really listen to the tone of John’s voice. That he’d hung up without asking the real question.

_Are you okay?_

John’s eyes darted behind Arthur as he spoke. His brother turned to see a nurse stopped in the doorway, observing them. He turned back to John, watching as the other man’s tears finally spilled over.

Arthur felt a pang of guilt. He loved his brother. He hated making him cry.

He took a calming breath and held out his hands in surrender.

“So you just came here to yell at me?” John asked after he’d watched the nurse continue on her route. One of his hands coming up to rub at his wet eyes before joining his other, fisting in the blanket on his lap.

“No.”

“Then why are you here?” John asked, more urgently than he meant to, just barely holding it together.

More guilt. His heart ached at the pain in John’s voice. He needed some time.

“I came here to tell you I’m glad you’re still alive.” Arthur said flatly. “And if I can figure out how to do so without calling you a fucking idiot I’ll come back. But right now this is the best you’re going to get.” He said steadily as he pushed himself up from his chair.

He flipped open the flap on his satchel and pulled out a few things. John eyed him from the side as he opened the draw of the empty bedside table and placed two cans of energy drink and a chocolate bar inside. Closing it quickly to hide it from the staff before placing some clothes, a portable gaming console and a few games on top of the stand.

“I need to cool off.” Arthur said as he closed his bag, a suspicious burning in the back of his throat. He cleared it loudly to try and rid himself of the feeling. “Call me if you need anything else. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“But…” John breathed, unable to say the word loud enough to be heard.

He watched Arthur go without a goodbye. Tears running down his cheeks as the older man disappeared quickly down the hallway. Leaving him alone in the sterile room once more.

John tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Rubbing frantically at his eyes and wishing he hadn’t been such a prick.

_Maybe he would have stayed longer._

He shifted himself down in his bed, lying on the pillow and staring at the yellow ceiling as ragged breathing and suffocating sobs returned to him.

It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't imagine many people will read this one or the next. But if you did, thank you! I hope you liked it and pleaseee let me know with a kudos or comment. I would love to hear from you! ❤


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